S..,

I just read your story on why you left the organization.  I started crying in the first paragraph.  You would not believe how similar our stories are. I guess you probably hear that a lot.

The dates you gave are so close to the same dates that I experienced the same things.  I got married in 1987 to a JW and we were married for eight years. In 1994 we bought a house and I was looked upon as being materialistic and not putting spiritual matters first.  My husband and I divorced in 1995. He came to me after only being married two years and told me that he was not in love with me and didn't know if he ever was.  We got along great though and so we stayed together for the next six years because it was the right thing to do.  About six months before we decided to divorce we had become inactive, that in our minds gave us an easier way out.  I remained inactive for the next three years because I knew I had no reason for a divorce, yet I really wanted to get remarried.  I did things I should have been disfellowshipped for, but had moved far enough away from my congregation to where they didn't keep tabs on me.  The similar things we share are about the same time as you, I started researching about the organization.  I had gotten remarried in 1997 and had a daughter.

My mother was constantly getting on me about when I was going to start bringing my new husband and daughter to the meetings.  She would constantly imply that if I loved my child and husband I should be trying to show them the truth.  So in my eyes she was calling me a bad mother and wife because I was not doing this.  See, I have always had a struggle with the "truth," I felt as if I was never doing enough, even though I use to regular pioneer and was active in the congregation.  I couldn't go back because I couldn't deal with the guilt anymore.  This made me upset enough to start researching information that a good friend of mine (none as JOY on H2O) started telling me about.  Up until I got mad at my mother I would tell JOY that if that was what she wanted to do that was fine, but I didn't want to hear it.  (I know you probably have heard that line a lot from friends and family) When I started reading all this information she was showing me out of WTBS literature I was angry.  I felt I had been lied to all my life.  I was told the predictions were never from the organization, that they were made by over zealous witnesses.

I also am dealing with my family.  Even though we are just one generation of witnesses, I come from a family of 5 brothers and one sister.  Three of my brothers are disfellowshipped.  One is very inactive (in fact he is as wordily as can be, even by wordily standards)  Of course my family that are still witnesses, which include my father, mother, oldest brother (whom served at Bethel after graduating), his wife and family of three, and my only sister (whom I use to be exceptionally close too) her husband and their two daughters, still associate with him because He is not
baptized.  My mother will talk to me and my brothers.  My father is very strict and only will talk to me if I speak first and then very limited. My oldest, self-righteous brother didn't really talk to me when I was a witness, because I didn't meet up to his standards as a witness.  And my sister, who didn't even acknowledge my second daughters birth, won't have anything to do with me.  I am not disfellowshipped yet, or do I know if I will ever be, but everyone that had ever associated with me within the organization, knows I am apostate and have nothing to do with me.  A very close friend of my ex-husbands and mine made the comment to him "Did you hear?  She is the Big "A" now."  He didn't comment on that because little do they know, so is he. He just doesn't say anything to anyone since he no longer lives near where he was raised and doesn't keep in touch with anyone besides them.  We are still good friends and keep in touch on a regular basis and I feel good that I have helped him see the real TRUTH.  I caution him on who he talks to, because of the pain I have experienced in trying to talk to individuals.  My brothers, who have been disfellowshipped for many years won't even listen to what I have to say for the most part.  When I do get a word in, I am usually cut off by those famous words "If that is what you want to do that is fine, but I don't want to hear it."  It has been very frustrating.  One blessing I do have is my relatives, whom are all Catholics.  They have taken me in under their wings.  I have made a few new friends in the past years or so, and even though they are few, they are the best.

Anyway, I have rambled on long enough.  I would love to get to know you and your family better.  My real name is Michelle.  I am 31 years old and have my two daughters.  My husband is the best thing that ever happened to my life.  We live in XXXX  USA.

With much love,
Michelle

Original letter edited  to protect identity of Michelle.