I'm 16 years old. In 8 months I will no longer be a child, but will be raising one. Because of being a Jehovah's Witness, I will loose everything and everyone I have ever known. Let me tell you my story. I have been raised a Jehovah's Witness since I was born and it has been forced on me. I tried to leave several times, but I'm a minor and it wasn't allowed. My dad has always been really strict. If I didn't go out in service (go door to door and preach), and comment at the meetings (church sessions), and give talks at the Kingdom Hall, I was looked down upon by my own Father. He would refuse to talk to me sometimes, if I doubted the religion. I would get punished for telling him it wasn't true. I wasn't allowed to have friends. The reasoning behind that being - I couldn't have worldly (people outside the religion) friends because they would corrupt me, or Jehovah's Witness friends because I would corrupt them.

I have never had any real friends. The only friends I had, were the ones I could sneak notes to during school and hope and pray my parents didn't find out I was befriending these people. The kids in the congregation (church) were not allowed to hang out with me, because I was not a good person. I was socially not acceptable, because I bleached my hair, because of my choice of clothes, because of how active I was in the church. So to prove I was a good person, and be allowed freedom of some sort - I was pressured into baptism at the age of 15. What is supposed to be the happiest, most fulfilling day of your life... turned out to be my worse.

As soon as I got baptized the pressure started. Why aren't you going out in service more? Why aren't you doing more in the organization? Why are you dressing like that, is that appropriate? Why do you do your makeup like that, is that appropriate? You're not old enough to date, so why were you talking to a boy? Was the boy a Jehovah's Witness? If not we need to have a meeting with you and talk about your faith. I never felt good enough. Nothing I did was appreciated. I never once heard, "we are so proud of you."

I got a job shortly after I turned 16, and the manager there was a 23 year old guy. He paid attention to me... and he noticed me. In his eyes, I was good enough. I finally felt accepted. We spent more time together as I would sneak out of my house in the middle of the night. I eventually became sexually active with this guy, and that leads to my current pregnancy.

The thing with Jehovah's Witnesses, if someone does something bad - the rumors spread like a forest fire. Because I have made this mistake, that I realize was a mistake, I will now loose everything I've ever known in my life. My parents, my religion, and my friends. Although they were never anything that I accepted, or wanted, or felt right with - they were all I had. My dad has kicked me out of the house, the elders have decided I should be disfellowshipped, and I have lost all my friends because I am a "bad person." Now I'm bringing a person in to my life, and I want nothing more to share it with the people I love... but I look around and find there aren't any.

I am not with the 23 year old guy anymore, he pretty much just wished me luck on raising the kid on my own, because I was obviously crazy for not having an abortion. Yes I plan on raising the baby - with the help of some people. I'll get it together soon enough.

Amy